It’s the summer of 2003 as I’m walking into the stuffed animal section at Target. Sunglasses with Disney Princesses on the frame are placed gently in my Bobby Jack purse next to a lipgloss dispenser in the shape of a flip phone. My rainbow flip flops squeak loudly as I’m pacing the aisle scanning for my birthday present; the hardest decision of my four-year-old life. What a magical snapshot of girlhood that was, as I reflect on how suddenly my lipgloss phone was replaced by an iPhone and my stuffed animals were replaced by my thirty-two ounce Yeti.
It is a wonder how quickly life seems to transform us from small-stepped toddlers into women taking on serious relationships, signing leases, and closing business deals. When life’s biggest concern was once getting mac and cheese on our sparkly butterfly dresses, has now turned into worrying about getting married or following a dream career across the country. Life moves fast, but the profound transformation from toddler to woman seems to slow when we think back to the incremental moments that have made us who we are in the present.
Looking back on my own adolescence, it feels as though one moment I was walking into school wearing my favorite cat shirt and the same light up Sketchers I wore everyday, without much of a thought. The next moment, I was planning elaborate strategies to get my mom to buy a specific name brand shirt that all the cool girls were wearing, instead of one with gigantic flowers she thought was so cute. Suddenly, it felt like everyone at school was staring at me longer than usual. The clothes I had at home were way too elementary and it was definitely too embarrassing to wear a winter jacket to school, even if it was twenty-six degrees outside. My once baby soft face started to sprout pimples that later turned into a long battle with hormonal acne. My family didn’t seem to understand anything I needed and I began to wake up angry. Angry at what you might ask? Great question, because I never knew the answer most mornings either.
Now, I recognize that it was a culmination of the anxiety and insecurity I felt walking into middle school everyday. I felt as though everything I did was going to be judged. I wanted to be seen and paid attention to while simultaneously wanting to disappear into the stampede of students. I didn’t understand why my body felt so uncomfortable and disproportionate while the other girls in class seemed to be developing so effortlessly into their “adult” bodies. I couldn’t say anything to the cute boys in class that didn’t make me cringe afterwards. Also, why did it feel like everyone was staring at me? All of these rushing feelings were so overwhelming. I didn’t have the knowledge or the wisdom to flesh them out or explain them to my parents. Everything was compacted into anger.
Then in August of 2012, it happened. It was the morning after a sleepover with my best friends in celebration of my thirteenth birthday. We all slept on my family room floor and I remember having a very restless night. I woke up feeling like I wet myself while sleeping, but brushed it off amidst the chaos of sending my friends home. I finally made it to the bathroom and was in shock as to what I found. My underwear was soaked with deep brownish crimson. A trickle of red blood stared back at me when I looked in the toilet.
I screamed for my older sister in a panic. I had learned about menstruation during our Growing and Changing unit at school, but I never thought it would happen to me so soon. The horror stories of debilitating cramps, the outrageous mood swings, and bleeding in public flooded my thirteen-year-old brain. Just then, my sister knocked on the door and came in to witness my vulnerable state. With a knowing laugh, she said, “Welcome to womanhood. I’m calling mom,” and closed the door.
My mother just so happened to be at Costco right after my friends left and missed the momentous moment of my first bleed. She called me with excitement and also welcomed me to the “Women’s Club.” I later got many calls from my aunts to check in and provide unprompted tips about how to manage my new stage of life. As confused as I was to be so eagerly welcomed into this club I didn’t ask to be a part of, I gave a lot of credit to the women in my family for making such a scary transition seamless and almost fun.
While my first period story is cute and easy to tell, I am fully aware that many women do not share the same experience. As someone who comes from a family that is overwhelmingly female, I grew up with the support of older women showing me how to manage my cycle, as well as cousins and sisters who were experiencing menstruation alongside me. I never questioned where my next supply of pads and tampons would come from and it was never in short supply. I still struggled with cramps, PMS, and bleeding through my pants at inconvenient times. It was a learning curve to get a handle on menstruating while juggling the responsibilities of life, but it was definitely something I could manage.
While many of us are privileged to have all of our senses and are physically able, menstruation and the difficulties that come with PMS are still challenging. There are billions of women today that are experiencing the hardships of menstruation while also living with mental and physical disabilities. Oftentimes, the disabled community is forgotten or shoved aside with false assumptions that they do not experience the same challenges of puberty that all women do. In fact, they deserve to have period products that are more accessible to their needs and less cumbersome to navigate than the average products found at the store.
AGU’s mission is to help parents and teen girls celebrate the process of becoming a woman. This includes serving girls all over Colorado that live with disabilities.
We are dedicated to providing education, resources, and support to all young girls who are starting out their puberty journey. It is our goal to share accessible period products, educational programs about growing into a woman (menstruation, skincare, sexuality, etc.), and uplifting young girls during this vital transition into womanhood. With a puberty guide, accessible resources, and trusted women to turn to with questions, young girls can feel more empowered to comfortably grow into their bodies and encouraged to support one another. By destigmatizing periods and puberty discussions, the new generation will be able to receive the education that many adult women wish they had. In doing so, we will be able to open up the discussion about teen pregnancy prevention, safe sex, and all the intricacies of puberty within a safe space.
My experience as a young menstruating woman has been filled with adversities and challenges as everyone experiences. There are many times where I woke up late for class only to find that my period came earlier than expected. My sisters and I share a handful of stories where we frantically cleaned accidental leaks in public. I have friends who live with PCOS and others who have skipped a whole week of school due to severe period cramps. All of these experiences have taught me that women are connected in a sacred way through our periods. While we are expected to show up to school and work like men do, we successfully accomplish each day with countless physical and hormonal challenges that they do not. Understanding that battle sets a foundation for making us more compassionate and resilient people. Every young girl struggles with the dramatic and sometimes traumatizing changes that come with becoming a woman. Ensuring that we are making the young girls of today feel seen and supported as they enter this rite of passage is a responsibility that we all share.
There is so much magic and wonder that comes with overcoming the aches and pains next to your fellow girl. As an uncertain middle schooler, I would have loved to be a part of a program that was dedicated to making my puberty journey feel less embarrassing and isolating. If there was less of a stigma surrounding puberty and a designated time to ask “taboo” questions, I believe that my female classmates and I would have been more prepared. Therefore, I am excited to see the generational impact that AGU Girls will have on the girls we serve and the ripple effect it will cause afterwards.
Learning about our bodies is one of the biggest forms of self-love that we can give ourselves. Whether we’re thirteen and starting our puberty journey or thirty-five still cleaning a blood stain out of our favorite pants, womanhood is a unifying and beautiful experience. No matter how old we get, we will still browse those Target aisles looking for accessories that make us feel a little sparklier or a comfort item that makes us feel a little safer. Whether we enter corporate rooms for interviews, intimidating spaces to compete for jobs, or the checkout line at TJ Maxx, there will always be camaraderie within one question: “Does anyone have a tampon?”
Follow us on our journey to educate the girls of the future as they navigate the magic of girlhood and womanhood, one period at a time.
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